New Scam - Toy Horses power automobiles and not Arabian ones

Why we have slow moving traffic in Bangalore, now solved.

In a surprising turn of events, it was revealed that automobiles in Bangalore although marketed as having Horse power are in fact powered by toy horses and not true blue blood, race horses.

In a series of  candid interviews with manufactures and companies, officials claimed that what they were doing was not illegal.

"After all we only promote our cars and bikes as having horse power. We do no quantify that these are only show ponies or toy ones and no customer has asked us details about the same."

Further investigation revealed that - the change in culture in Bangalore is part of the reason automobile manufactures get away with such practices. With the huge influx of people coming in from Northern part of India and out side India - automobile purchases are no more about utility and convenience but more about vanity and show off.

What they want

What they get - part 1

What they get part 2

People buy BIG, FANCY Cars only to show off to the world that we HAVE ARRIVED and focus on the looks and color and useless features like glass holders, coat hooks etc.
Test drives are done to see if the car is comfortable, accommodates the newly acquired beer belly and if there is enough space for women to keep their emergency make-up kit.

Even at the time of delivery - no customer ever opens the bonnet to check if the engine is in there - but they all inspect the car from outside to ensure that it looks as classy at the time of booking.

This reflects in the sad state of how the traffic is in Bangalore. While density of traffic is a concern, most drivers of these "BIG" cars are seen lumbering along.
If you closely observe you will see cars cross signals at an excruciatingly slow pace, vast open spaces in front of drivers which they cant cover, not due to poor driving skills but the lack of REAL power and people driving in the center of the lanes because they cant get the damn vehicle to move over to the side and make way :)

Another reason is the magnets (click here) on the roads of course ;) ;)

Bangalore City roads

Bangalore City roads

To be continued...

Bangalore Images credit -Vadakkus 

Breaking: Magnets found mixed with tar on Bangalore Streets, Bad Drivers finally forgiven.

During a recent dig by some students of the Bangalore chapter of Archeological Survey of India, searching for the lost gardens and water of the city (students of the current batches had only heard of the garden city and wondered where it all went and as a side project decided to venture on a treasure hunt), they found that road contractors were laying magnets on Bangalore roads mixed with tar. Apart from high road erosion, these magnets  were creating an interesting traffic phenomena. 

That almost all Bangaloreans were forced to drive in the middle of every road thanks to the magnetic pull. Funnily enough on the 1 or 2 multi-lane (wide) roads the city has, these magnets created a pull towards the center of the center of the center lane. And the balance power was shifted to the center of the center of the side lanes.  

When a news channel heard of this, they promptly got into action to interview people meaninglessly, knowing fully well that this would do nothing to change the traffic situation, but vociferously
as they had to still had to sell their air waves that evening.  

Excerpts of the Interviews are as follows:

Contractors - Magnets are a lot cheaper to buy, is a sturdy metal and helps make the road look shiny and new so even when there is no road (which is the case in large parts of the city), the glare from the sun reflects on the magnet into the drivers’ eyes and makes them believe there is a road that they are driving on. We learnt this from the 3 Idiots movie, where Aamir says in a scene keep fooling your heart and yourself and you will believe that something is real and hence Bangaloreans believe they have real roads to drive on. So its a social cause.
ALL ISSSS WELLLL.

The typical car driver – thank God I now have somebody else to blame for always driving in the middle of every road I drive on in Bangalore or outside, I like being the center of attention and now I can do this shamelessly and not be blamed. We obsessive centre lane drivers now heave a huge sign of relief,

The Auto drivers’ union threatened to go on strike on being asked if they believed the magnet story – we don’t follow any rules or give in to any pulls whether its gravity or magnetic, we drive all over the roads. We are followers and believe in the snake god who is more powerful than any magnet and are his disciples who follow his ways.

The Bus driver’s reaction was simple – we drive with our eyes closed, how does all this  matter to us?

Finally they met an erstwhile member of the now defunct Bangalore Bikers Wheelie Association who said in disgust – Now I know why we could not lift our bikes and perform wheelies on the roads here. The contractors should be blamed for me not being able to impress chicks in my college. Now am forced to take them to movies and coffee shops and hang out outside malls all day to keep them happy.

   He signed off, sobbing – Even Axe deodorants dint work.